my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
