I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
