don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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