you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
