my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
