the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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