I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
