I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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