Your tits are I can't wait for
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
