Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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