I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We need to get me chipped asap
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
