Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
