Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
