Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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