i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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