Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
