I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize