I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
