Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
