she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
