is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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