The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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