that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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