It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
