Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
