shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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