Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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