Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cat gives me a boner
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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