did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
