Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
