WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
