apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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