My nipple is on Facebook.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
