Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
