Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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