I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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