mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
