Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
