Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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