My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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