Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
