i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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