I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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