So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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