I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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