you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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