I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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