I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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