Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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