His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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