Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
