I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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