If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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