I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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