just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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