Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
