I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
