Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
