You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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