i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
