you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
