Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
