I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
