hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
