maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
